I'm gonna get a little personal with you here so bear with me. A year ago I had an appointment with my GYN. I had my IUD taken out the previous August because I kept getting ovarian cysts that would develop and rupture every six weeks like clock work. We were hoping that by getting that out of my system that my hormones would regulate themselves and the cysts would stop. Well, that wasn't the case. I went to the doctor in hopes that the cyst I currently had had shrunk. Again, not the case. I was given an ultimatum by my PA; either go back on low estrogen birth control pills or have my ovaries removed. Not wanting to be on hormone replacement before I even turned 30, pills were my only option. She gave me some samples and told me to start taking them the Sunday of my next cycle. I remember being so heartbroken. We were unofficially trying to have another baby. We'd never "tried" before. The other 3 were all complete surprises and I was getting very disheartened that I wasn't pregnant already. I went to see a friend after my appointment and broke down. I remember telling her "how badly is God trying to knock in my head that it's not time to have a baby, birth control or lose my ovaries, neither one of these says it's the ideal time to have a baby." She consoled me and told me that it must not be the right time. I resolved myself to believe that. In God's timing. He knows what's best and right no matter how badly we might want something right now. I started to accept the fact that we might never have a 4th child and I was ok with that after a week or so. Peyton wasn't quite sure how to console me, but also just accepted it for what it was, bad timing.
I had been tracking my cycle ever since I had the IUD removed and it was coming up on my next cycle being due 16 days after my appointment. On day 14, which happened to be a Thursday, I opened up a drawer in my bathroom and found a couple of pregnancy tests. Just for kicks, I took one, thinking that if I was pregnant by some crazy chance that it would show up now. I wasn't expecting for the little pink line to register as quickly as it did. I just stared at it in complete astonishment!!
I walked into Peyton's office holding it. He was on a conference call and I just held it up and he whispered, "is it positive?" I nodded yes and then broke down in tears and left the room. He probably thought I'd lost my mind. After he was off the call he came into our bedroom and asked me if I was ok. I told him I was beyond happy, but wasn't expecting it to be positive. I wasn't expecting to get pregnant again, I wasn't expecting to be expecting! I started thinking at that point that it was God's timing, but I think he wanted me to want it bad enough, but be willing to accept that it might not happen. That 14 days of thinking it wouldn't happen really set me up for being completely ready and more excited just because I wasn't expecting it. I guess it was God's way of telling me that it didn't matter how hard I tried, He was in control. So baby number 4 was also a surprise, just like the other 3.
And just in case I was a little slow and needed it spelled out for me, I took another test the next day.
No comments:
Post a Comment